I feel like I should be very upset today but the fact that I'm more satisfied than anything right now, is very telling. You see, I finally got the perfect opportunity to terminated a friendship today. A friendship I've had for 20 years. My best friend from college. It's really a rather long story and I believe I've touched upon it here and there but I'm not going to rehash things that have happened over the years, but instead, focus on the events of this past weekend. The final nail in the coffin. Laura, Brandi and I haven't been talking a whole lot over the summer and I've been ok with it. That changed Saturday morning when Brandi decided to extreme vent to us about the fact that Kelly canceled her trip to ME with Ruby due to COVID related reasons. They go every August and obviously didn't go last year for the same reason. Brandi said things like "I'm done with retards" and "I can't fix stupid" in the midst of other things. I'm getting ready for my Barre class and as I'm reading this, I'm feeling sick to my stomach. Any shred of doubt I had left about terminating this friendship instantly disappeared. Once I got home, I vacuumed my house and got ready to go to Denise and Eric's new house for the night. I decided to sit on it before deciding when and how to respond. So I enjoyed my weekend away although it was a little stressful because I brought Xander and he was a jerk. He spent a lot of time hissing and growling and claiming the place as his. I totally did not anticipate that but at least I know he isn't always sweet and go with the flow. We just hung out, chatted, ordered pizza, and watched a movie. Same thing on Sunday. Breakfast, chilling, and a little walk to a waterfall in their woods. Xander and I headed home mid-afternoon (he peed in his crate again) to do some laundry and a pile of dishes. After dindin and a shower, I sat down and crafted my response. I slept on it and edited it a bit after input from Kelly and Ashley and sent it this morning. This was the right decision but I'm sure I'll have waves of sadness here and there for a while. Good thing I had plenty to occupy my mind...HOA stuff, errands, finishing meal prep, a walk, and now this. Like I told Laura earlier, I'm at a breaking point and I need only love, acceptance and understanding in my life moving forward.
Speaking of emotional, when I left off last, my Granny was in the midst of her final decline. After being admitted to the hospital with a UTI, it was determined that despite the initial surgery going very well, she was not going to survive this. Pete said the cancer had spread so they made the decision to bring her home on hospice care. My vacation was the week of the 11th so the Thursday prior, I made the official decision to travel to CA for one last visit. Sherry and I coordinated our trip so that we arrived and left at the same time. The first day of vacation, I did some stuffies, started travel planning and took a walk. Sunday, I bought my plane ticket and did some laundry. Monday, I finished other bookings, took a walk, dropped off Xander and packed. Early Tuesday morning, I was notified that my flight was delayed 2 hours which meant that I was going to miss the shuttle I had booked from LA to a town closer to Pete (he did not want to leave her side for too long). He suggested I come the following day (15 minutes before I was to leave my house to grab the bus in NL) which would have been very stressful and a logistical nightmare. Luckily, Sherry's voice of reason swooped in and told me to get on the plane as scheduled and she'd take care of it. It all worked out because by the time I got to the car rental place, Sherry was finishing up after standing in line for 1.5 hours. Crisis averted. We hopped in the car and headed to Pete's. We settled in a little bit then headed over to Granny's apartment. She was bedridden and very difficult to understand but I think there was a part of her still there that recognized us. We just hung out and chatted for a bit before heading to bed. Wednesday was mostly spent in Granny's apartment, either by her side or in her recliners. The bed bath nurse came. We had italian for dinner. Thursday was similar. The hospice nurse came and I helped her turn Granny. It made me feel poorly because we should have been turning her more often and paying more attention to the condition of her diaper. I should have known better and Granny would have been more comfortable. Collectively, we did much better for the rest of the day. Pete felt we needed to get out of the house for a bit so he sent us to a neat store with a yummy BBQ joint inside. Dinner was taken care of. We chilled for the rest of the night and, between travel and having slept poorly, Sherry and I headed to bed around 1130. Granny's condition was progressing so after a call into hospice and despite being completely exhausted, Pete decided to stay up with her. He woke us up shortly after 4 am to tell us she had passed (unfortunately he tried to call us but our phones were off). I'd be lying if I said I'm not disappointed because I really wanted to be there when it happened but perhaps maybe that's the way it was meant to be; just a moment between mother and son. It is what it is. I have to admit that it was more of a relief than anything because she wasn't suffering any more. I didn't cry until I saw Pete cry watching the car drive away with her body. We just sort of hung out while Pete started taking care of business. We did help out a little with tidying Granny's apartment before packing up and saying our good-byes. We had to have the rental car back in LA by 5 pm and luckily I had coordinated with Jane to hang out until we had to be at the airport. She picked us up and brought us to dinner and dropped us off at the airport. It was nice to see her. My trip home was uneventful and I tried very hard to sleep but I just rested for the most part. I got home around 1030 Saturday (after a little sadness once I was alone in my car) and it took every ounce of energy I had to unpack and take a shower. Thankfully, Dayna and Cory brought my kitty home for me. I missed him so much. I slept the rest of the day, got up for dinner and ice cream and went right back to bed. Sunday, I grabbed some groceries and took a walk. Monday morning, I got up for an appointment with my new PCP and to have some bloodwork done. I was on the fence but I asked for a week of bereavement and I'm sooooooo glad I did. I really needed it to catch up on sleep and do the things I would have done the previous week. I did a pile of dishes and cleaned X's potty room. Tues, I didn't do much except go for a walk. Wednesday, I grabbed some groceries and made a large pan of mac and cheese. Thursday, I took a walk, swallowed my pride and talked to Cora on the phone for the first time in a loooong time, and vacuumed my basement. Friday, I deep cleaned my living room. Saturday, I meal prepped, did dishes, went for a walk and headed to Ctown to hang out with Shley. We did our usual lol. Sunday, I did laundry, more dishes, cleaned my bathroom, and made banana bread. Monday, I grabbed some groceries, deep cleaned my kitchen, took a walk and a tubby. Vacation over.
The following weekend, I finally went to Barre Saturday morning after not having gone for a month. It felt good. An appointment in Newbury followed and I spent the rest of the day doing stuffies. Sunday, I met Dayna, Cory, Dawn and Kristin at the Fort for breakfast. I went grocery shopping after and spent the rest of the day doing a quick meal prep, the dishes, cleaning the Volcano (it badly needed it) and taking a tubby. Monday, I took a walk, ran errands and finally found the courage to go to Best Buy and purchase a new computer. Eric will be transferring everything from my old computer this weekend THANK GOD because I had so much anxiety about BB doing it. I will gladly bring him craft beer.
There is a conspiracy theory going around that Donald Trump is going to be reinstated this Friday the 13th. I hate him with the fire of a thousand suns.
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